I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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