I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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