I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
