Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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