I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
