If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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