Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
