so let's talk penis.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
