Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
