This girl is more easily done than said...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
