the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
