Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
