Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
