New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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