he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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