not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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