I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
