bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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