this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
