she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
