Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
