ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
only if we run a train.
done.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
