My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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