the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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