Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
