you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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