Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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