Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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