She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
