Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
