if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
