I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
