im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
