ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
