i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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