seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
