okay pat passed out under dana's car
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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