I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
