Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
