i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I have vodka in my lungs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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