you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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