my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
