New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
