every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
