Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
