i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
