I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just cropdusted the office
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
