too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
