Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I smell stomach acid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
