Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
